Change your words. Change your habits.
When you are learning to manifest the life that you truly desire for your family, it is important to practice visualizing that future and even more so to practice tuning in to the feeling of what it will be like when you are immersed in that new reality.
In other words, instead of just picturing it like you are watching it in a movie, feel yourself really deeply engaging with it. Taste it. Feel it. Smell it. Don’t just see it.
Then when you hear words coming out of your mouth that don’t align with that vision, notice them. First just raise your awareness of those old habits. Then, replace them with more empowering words.
It’s funny because I just wrote another book about empowering transformations, but the first round of edits was mostly going through and highlighting (and then deleting) all of the times that I said “But”, “And”, and “Just” so that I could simply own my truth and learn to leave those dis-empowering words behind.
Even though I am doing this work of sharing my story and teaching others how to try some of these life changing practices on their own healing journeys, I am still continuing to learn more every day myself.
The words that we hear coming out of our own mouths (or that pop up repeatedly in our writing) are like those little breadcrumbs marking a path for us to follow as we learn to embrace the little changes that make a big difference as we implement them into our new way of being.
I call them Magdalena Moments because each of those choices moves me toward the joyful future self that I envision.
When I see how hard it is to change even small habits like removing a word or phrase from my everyday vocabulary, it encourages me to think that it will be easier for my kids if they learn some of this and get a lot of practice before they start navigating relationships and going out into the world on their own.
Here is the article that I saw in a business publication that got me thinking even more about my choice of words. “5 Words And Phrases That Can Transform Your Work Life. A Stanford design and engineering professor says making simple changes to the words and phrases we use can empower us to achieve our goals.”
Michael Grothaus gives some great examples in the article.Think about how you can apply these new word choices to big challenges in your own life.
Here are a few applications for moms that I thought of while I was reading the article based on conversations that I’ve had this month:
- Labor and Birth. Labor is going to hurt and I want to avoid it and just get to the birth. Vs. I choose to labor. I want to have a lot of strong contractions.
When I was preparing for my first birth, I told the nurse that I wanted to labor for a long time and have a lot of contractions even if I ended up needing to have a cesarean. She looked at me like I had three heads! (I mean on the outside, technically I guess I did since I was pregnant with twins! Sorry, I digress.) It surprised me at the time that the nurse that was working in Labor and Delivery had no knowledge of the benefits of labor for the mother and the babies.
Here are some phrases to try:
I am learning and growing so much in this moment. I am learning valuable life lessons that will prepare me for mothering. My baby is going through important stages of development from the squeezing and pushing movements. It is like a deep, strong massage.
- School. I have to go. Vs. it is a privilege and I am choosing to take advantage of opportunities that are moving me towards a better future.
Your language at home affects your kids success at school, so make sure that your kids and their teacher know that they have support from home. If you hated school, watch how you model that for your kids. A lot has changed in education. Try to embrace the idea that your kid can make the best of it with lots of support. Maybe you don’t use a lot of math in your career, but it is possible that your kid will have a career that needs it. Let your kid love math even if you had a bad experience with it. It’s just like sports. Even if they are not going to go pro, they are learning so much through the experience, and if we take the pressure off and let them learn through playing, it will work better.
- Work. I have to go to work. Vs I choose to work hard during the week so that I can play hard on the weekends or take amazing vacations.
You can also choose less stressful jobs that you don’t need a vacation from. If you love staying home, cooking your own food and mowing your own lawn (or not even having a lawn) then you don’t even need the higher salary. Look at how you had the choice and continue to have the choice.
- Diet/Foods: Instead of calling foods Good and Bad, maybe refer to them as Sometimes food or treats. I encourage my children to say “No, Thank You” or “It’s not my favorite” instead of saying “Yuck” or being rude to the chef if they don’t like it.
Maybe try that new food sometimes. Discuss Sometimes foods (that we eat only on special occasions or when others cook it for us with love and we say Thank You to be kind, or when we are traveling) vs. Never foods (that you can’t eat for religious or health reasons) and why.
Instead of “I don’t eat that” say, “I have never tried that. What do you like about it?”
Trying new things is an important skill. So is perseverance and acceptance. This practice will serve your kids as they move into bigger and bigger circles.
Think of how your words can sound less like judgment and open a dialog for more understanding.
You have the power to choose your words. You have the power to change your habits. You can change your life.
You can make lots of little choices in the present moment that add up to a lot of empowerment in your life.
- If you find that you don’t like what you are choosing and you are ready to start changing, look deeper and see what you are really choosing.
- Whose voice are you listening to when you make that choice?
- Start by raising your awareness of your voice and then notice what you follow instead.
- Then start choosing to follow your own inner knowing in small things first, like changing your words.
- Then starting changing your habits.
- Then watch your life change into something a little more comfortable.